It Had Never Been The Same Ever Since...

-This will be my first moody post in this blog. Feel free to skip to my older posts if you don't feel like reading a moody article.-

I had been feeling a little down since earlier this week because I re-watched the film You Are The Apple Of My Eye (那些年，我们一起追的女孩). 

 

It is a really good film. It doesn't have good editing or effects, it doesn't have awesome actors, but the story is so good that it touches almost everyone. It talks about puppy love, something everyone of a certain age had experienced. And it was portrayed in a way so familiar with the audience. To the audience, it is almost similar to their own story.

Anyways, enough of praises for the film. There was one particular scene that affected me the most. The male lead organised a fighting tournament, thinking that it is a chance for him to show the female lead how strong he is. The female lead, however, scolded him for promoting something dangerous. She added "有时候，我真的很不了解你" (translation: sometimes, I don't understand you). This sentence struck me the hardest.

Back during my days in polytechnic, I had a crush whom I was very close with. However, I did not let her know about my fondness towards her due to various reasons. I conceded that we could only be friends, and was contented that we were the best of friends. 

However, as time goes by, I started to have difficulties hiding my feelings, and I started to behave differently. Although I didn't do anything offensive, I kept getting on her nerves. One day, we had a slight argument, and she told me something that made me very upset. 

"I used to think that I was able to read you like a book, but now, I don't seem to be able to understand you."

This may not be the exact sentence, but it was something along this line. And this sentence has an uncanny resemblance to what the female lead in film said to the male lead. I can't help but get reminded of what she told me when I heard that line. I can't help but to recall how the sadness grew in me when she told me that. It was not the devastating kind of sadness. It was a subtle, gradually growing kind of sadness that stays forever. It pinches me every time I think of it.

Ever since then, I always felt awkward when I faced her. Eventually, we had a big quarrel, and the bond between us was never the same again. As much as I would like to, during our graduation ceremony, I didn't have the courage to go to her, to talk to her, to apologise to her, to take a shot with her. I regretted that even till now.

Years have passed, and the unhappiness and awkwardness got diluted with time. We are able to talk again, make fun of each other again, but I don't think it will ever be the same as how it was back then. I lost my best friend due to my childishness. This is the story that the film reminded me of, and this will stay as a prick in my heart forever.

-The god has spoken